Why I Want to Be Selfish
I am writing this book because I truly believe it is needed, especially in India, where, as people age, they stop living their own life. They forget that they are human beings. I have seen this mindset particularly in women when they become mothers, and sometimes in men as well. So here I am, reminding you: yes, there are responsibilities — family, children, parents, spouses — but you will only be able to care for others once you live life to the fullest. Let’s break this down and understand what is missing in our lives and what we need to do.
The First and Foremost Thing
If you are physically fit and if you’re 7 years old, start helping your parents with household chores. Do whatever you can. At the very least, don’t burden yourself with the basic tasks. Keep your plates under the basin to wash them if possible. Don’t throw your clothes around; put them in the washing machine. This needs to be instilled in children by their parents, right from childhood. One thing you need to remember: parents should make their child independent, not dependent on them. This may feel difficult in the beginning, but it will gradually become a habit.
In India, children are often treated like princes and princesses, and that’s where the problem lies. When these children go outside, or somewhere where they don’t have their parents' help, they become overly dependent. Love them, have fun with them, give them happy weekends, take them shopping. You can pamper them with gifts, but at the same time, give them the priceless gift of independence — no matter if they’re a boy or a girl. "True love is not in the things you give, but in the lessons you teach." I believe we should stop thinking that girls are only made for household chores. Everyone should know how to cook after a certain age. This way, you will help yourself, and the upcoming generation will already know that both partners are responsible for managing household chores.
Hiring Help for Household Chores: A Better Alternative
The best thing is to hire house help for household chores. And please, stop thinking that you were born to make rotis (flatbreads). If you enjoy it, that's great, but don't make it the purpose of your life. No one is born to do this. I understand that in some unforeseen situations, some women and men may not be educated, and they can’t do other work. If that’s the case, please give them work. Create employment opportunities so you can use your precious time in other productive ways.
If you’re educated, start a job or create a small business. If you’re unable to join a job, learn a skill. There are countless free courses on YouTube today. Improve your communication skills if needed. Once you’re ready, start earning. As I mentioned before, stop blaming your parents or your spouse for anything. If you are mature enough to make decisions for yourself, take charge. "The hardest step is always the first, but it is the most crucial." Trust me, this will be challenging, but incredibly important for you. No matter how much pocket money you get, someone will eventually make you feel like they’re doing you a favor. And even if they don’t say it, you will never feel confident in yourself. Think about the day you were born — your parents were so happy to see you. Have you ever wondered why you were born? Find the special thing in you. "No one in the world is ordinary; you just need to find yourself."
The Myths Around Household Help
Stop the myth that food made by a maid is somehow inferior. It’s okay to let others make your food occasionally. We all make changes to our diets when necessary — either medically or if we want to lose weight, etc. "Food is not about who made it, but about who enjoys it." Stop thinking that your family will not eat food made by household help. I’m sorry if my words are harsh, but what will happen when a person dies? They will have to hire someone. Of course, they won’t expect that person to come from heaven and cook for them.
Love Yourself, Respect Yourself
Before it’s too late, start loving yourself and respecting yourself. Once you become independent, join a gym, enroll in membership clubs, go swimming, learn dancing — do whatever makes you happy. Keep yourself fit and healthy. Most importantly, save money and start investing because money is not just about wealth — it’s strength, confidence, and it attracts respect. "Financial independence is the ultimate confidence booster." When people see that you are financially independent, they will start respecting you. When you are fit and healthy, you will be more confident and won’t need to visit doctors frequently. Live your life like a king!
Also, make it normal that parents are human beings too. They deserve to go on trips, take dance classes, go to sports classes, etc. Stop thinking about what your kids will think. "Don’t let cultural norms or opinions stop you from living the life you deserve." Even when kids are young, help them settle, but don’t settle everything for them. Give them the chance to build their own lives. If you make them too dependent, what will happen when you’re no longer around? Moreover, if you assume your children will take care of you in your old age, that may not always happen. They may have a soft corner for you, but their spouse may want to prioritize their own family’s happiness, which is not entirely wrong.
The Importance of Retirement Planning
Now, let’s talk about retirement. I believe retirement is a crucial time in our lives because this is when we really need support — financially, physically, and mentally. If you’ve taken proper retirement planning and saved enough, you’ll be financially strong. If you haven’t, start today so you don’t have to struggle later. "The best time to plan for retirement is yesterday. The second-best time is today." I’m assuming you’re financially strong, so go for an international tour and spend quality time with your spouse. If not, join clubs where people of similar age are coming. Hire a maid for 24 hours and spend money on yourself. There’s nothing wrong in spending your hard-earned money. I’ve seen people who struggle because they’ve spent all their money on their children’s education or taken loans for basic needs. Then, once their children grow up, they expect them to take care of them, even though they have nothing left.
"Financially independent parents raise confident children who understand the value of hard work."
The Final Thought
One final thought: It’s okay to leave your children with a nanny. It’s okay to take a day off from your life. It’s okay to share responsibility with your spouse. Please wake up and stand for yourself. Once you are independent, your kids will respect you even more. It may be tough initially, but gradually, everything will fall into place. Your finances will speak for you.
